When the doctor said those words,something inside of me was crushed,something inside of me died.Autism here is a diagnosis of doom,most of the kids I worked with thru the school districts special ed class were Autistic,and let me tell you,it was a very bad experience that is burned deeply into my mind!For months I have been praying "please God,anything but Autism,you know I'm not cut out to parent with the needs related to Autism,please God heal my daughter!"
I cried,I went and took a hot shower,I cried some more,I made breakfast,I cried,I did laundry,and cried even more.I cried for myself,I cried that isn't fair,I cried for the dreams I had for my baby,I cried that life is changing in a whole new and scary way.
Then it hit me.....
I'm not losing my daughter,in fact,she is still the same sweet baby she always has been.She is still my daughter,she is still the light of my life,just now there is a reason for her weird,quirky behaviors.There is a reason she rages uncontrollably and honestly I'm glad she isn't acting out in these ways because she wants to or because she likes to be miserable.
Now,that there is a reason for the behaviors there is also a treatment plan already in effect,her doctor is really helping me to get on top of it all,and is trying to help get her sleeping habits under control so that both her and I can get up refreshed in the morning.By the time evening comes around Iam totally exhausted,almost ready to snap.Thegirls go to bed between 7 and 730 EVERY evening,giving me an hour or two to regain my sanity and relax before bed.
It has been a real fight getting Lilly to eat lately so I have gone to drastic measures lol and they seem to be working!If all else fails TRY SPRINKLES!
Blueberry pancakes with pink sugar and pink hearts were a big hit!
I did a little sewing today which was very relaxing and now Im in the mood to do more!Maybe I will work on the girls new dresses for a bit?
I was just reading through your blog...I have to say I admire your strength, it sounds like you have been through a lot with your girls...Who are both SO beautiful!! I am raising my Nephew, and he has Aspergers, a form of Autism. It can be tough at times, but he is a great kid. If you ever needed someone to just vent to feel free to email me :)
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