I'm curled up with a cozy afghan enjoying steaming mug of hot cider as the fire crackles and burns filling the room with a wonderful warmth.
I have alot of thoughts swirling thru my mind today.I have been reading and studying Reactive Attachment Disorders yet again as now I'm finally convinced this is the clinical explanation of dds behavior problems which seem to be getting worse with every passing day.
All I ever wanted and hoped for in life was to be married to a wonderful man and to be a mother.On July 8,07 my dreams of being a mum came true when Daisy was born 13 weeks prematurely weighing in at a whopping 2lb 12oz at just 14" long.After many heartfelt prayers and tears and 9 long torturous weeks and heart surgery Daisy was finally sent home from the hospital and I began my journey as a single mother.After only 3 weeks of being at home and in and out of our local doctors office and hospital Daisy was once again sent to Denver,CO where we spent another 4 weeks fighting our way thru hundreds of tests and another surgery.Once again Daisy was released from the hospital and sent home,this time she was on oxygen and an apnea monitor.
In May of 08 I got pregnant again,it was a long pregnancy full of problems,I had to have a cervical cerclage put in at 13 weeks to keep her from being born prematurely like Daisy due to me having an Incompetent Cervix.In Oct 08 I was life flighted to Denver in preterm labor and we thought our baby was going to be born at 23 weeks however they managed to keep her in until 37 weeks! Lillian was born on Sat 1-31-09.she was released and sent home at 22 hours old.Even from the beginning I knew there was something very wrong with my new baby girl,she barely ate and was throwing up bright yellow bile,the next day we rushed her to our local clinic and had her checked over by our doc who could find nothing wrong.By that evening I knew my baby was going to die unless something changed dramatically.I rushed her to the Emergency Room where them immediately began a battery of tests on our new baby girl.The doctor came in and informed me that they had called the flight team in to air lift her to Children's Hospital.However with the winds and cold January weather we had to wait for a ground team..We didn't know if she was even going to live.
For the past 20 months I have fought to be a good mum and spent a great deal of time in tears feeling like a failure.Knowing that something is not right with either one of your children and yet nobody understanding or being able to pinpoint it is very frustrating.I knew I was doing the best I could.
Being a single mum of two special needs kids is not easy but it is very rewarding!