Today is one of those days...
Today we went to the library and she cried and carried on for most of the time we were there because she didn't want to be in the stroller,and because she didn't want any books.
Then we went to the park with friends and walked around the lake,Lilly screamed the entire time,I had to carry her the whole way around the lake,and it was one friggin long walk!(I forgot the stroller,but you can guarantee that wont ever happen again!lol Blah,then I had a fleeting thought of stopping at the liquor store and buying the biggest bottle of vodka I could find and drink my troubles away,then I thought of all the stuff my kids could get into and make a huge mess of and decided that wasn't worth it.So I brought them home and put them to bed.Ahhhh the peace,the quietness of nap time,blissful! lol
The adapted jammies did NOT work!Lilly still managed to get them off and poop and pee all over her room :( Honestly,when I realized even the jammies weren't gonna work I sat and cried,I sobbed til I felt a calm peace flood over me.I realized no matter what God will not give me more than I can handle.
Honestly having a child with such complex special needs is so very hard and daily I feel like I'm a bad parent.Daily I feel that somehow it is my fault that Lilly has the issues she has.I feel that somehow I created the mess that we are in,like somehow I could have prevented this,but deep down I know there is nothing I could have done and that now the next step for me is to be able to come to a total peace and calm about Lilly's special needs and keep reading and studying and searching until I find the help my daughter needs.I love Lilly with all my heart and it makes me so sad to see her so miserable all the time.I only wish I knew what she was thinkin,what she is experiencing inside.I wish I somehow knew how to give her peace and happiness,how I could make her sensory and anxiety issues better.I love my kids ever so much and I know full well being a parent is never easy,however being the parent of kids with special needs is even harder.That being said,I want to become an even better,more caring,more intune mother and do my best to be the very very best mum I can be!