Still Packing,Moving date 3 Wk From Today!YAAY!

   I am behind on getting pictures put up on my blog again,oh duh!maybe that's cuz I haven't taken many lately lol
   I am still busy packing and preparing to move,only 3 more weeks,I'm so ready to be moved and done with all this,lol it will be sooooo nice to go from a tiny 2 bed 1 bath 2nd floor apartment to our new 4 bed 2 bath townhouse,honestly I CANT WAIT!!! wooohooo doing a happy dance :)

   I can thank God now that the other places all fell thru the past 5 months we have been in this process,because with NONE of them would the girls have had the room and space we are going to have now.I think God had this all planned and in his timing,I will even have space for MY OWN sewing room!Where I can leave my stuff set up and lock the door and come back to it later on.This will be such a blessing as my sewing orders are rapidly picking up and increasing,hopefully soon I will be able to solely provide for the girls off my sewing.
   Not to mention,the girls will have their own rooms!Yaay!This should help alot with Lilly's sleeping disorders,she has been up alot at night again and has been climbing in Daisy's bed trying to wake her too!Blah,not cool at 3 am lol

  

today is just...

ONE OF THOSE DAYS...
  
   I love being a stay at home mum but it all has its pros and cons.On one hand I get to be at home with my girls all day every day instead of pawning them off on a daycare,I get to be part of everything they learn and I can limit the influences they receive from the TV and outside world.I get to teach them to love and respect each other,I get to be there for all of their "firsts" and be there to soothe their aches and pains and cuddle them when they are sick.I get to be there for them when they are hurt or frustrated,to give them love,to enjoy all the smiles and excitement,to hear those "I love you mommas" all throughout my day
  
ON THE OTHER HAND...

   I sometimes feel like all I do is run around in circles,picking up the same toys and shoes over and over day in,day out.Sometimes I feel lonely and tired but know I must keep going alone,because if I don't do it it will never get done.Some days I grow weary of the constant bickering and fighting between the girls.Some days I get tired of the constant fevers and crying and throwing  up that comes with the special needs of my kids.Some days I wish for what will never be,I think of what life would be like if Lilly was a happy typical kid,what life would be like if she didn't scream uncontrollably nonstop for days on end.I wonder what it would be like to take the girls to the park and have them both be excited and HAPPY to be going outside to play and feed the ducks.I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have to constantly clean up throw up and wash bedding,I wonder what it would be like to be able to put Lilly to bed in regular pajamas instead of having to layer her clothing just right so she cant take her diaper off and pee all over her sisters stuff or smear feces all over the walls.I wonder what it would be like to get a full nights sleep,what it would be like for Lilly to actually sleep thru the whole night more than once  a month.
 
BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...

   I am overwhelmed that God saw fit to give me these 2 exact children just the way they are.He saw fit to give me these exact special needs,these exact challenges every single day,but why? Because he thought I could handle it.In the Bible it tells us that God will not give us more than we can handle,and in all fairness and honesty I wonder if God looks down and watches me struggling just to make it through each day and is disappointed in the job I'm doing.Does he shake his head in sadness and think "Sally,today was a beautiful day outside and you missed it because you were too preoccupied at washing all of last nights bedding and scrubbing the walls yet again" does he think "I thought she could handle it but she seems to be breaking down from the  sheer exhaustion and tiredness of doing it all alone"

DON'T GET ME WRONG...

   I love my little girls with all my heart and I do all I can to enjoy them,to take them to the park,to read to them,and watch movies together.I love them ever so much,and if something ever happened to them I know my heart would die,they are my world.I do my best to teach them to difference between right and wrong,kindness,sharing,etc but some days I sit and wonder if somehow I'm missing the big picture.What if God has so much more out there for me and the girls and I'm not seeing it??
   I should close this post on all my ramblings cuz I honestly doubt if they make sense to anyone other than myself lol

is it Bed Time yet?

   Daisy asleep?
   check
   Lilly asleep?
   check
   Andy asleep?
   check
  
   ok,now I think it may be safe for me to crawl into bed for the night lol

Melatonin and Sleep Disorders

   So,Lilly has been on Melatonin for the better part of 3 weeks now,we have gradually increased until we are at 3 mg at bedtime each night.I am honestly  disappointed in it,it has not made any difference for Lils no matter how we give it.We have even alternated Melatonin for a week and Hydroxizine the next week as the doctor suggested,but now neither one works .Lilly gets up by 12:30am,it makes no difference what time she goes to bed,almost every night its the same no matter what.I wait to go to bed til Daisy falls asleep which lately has been ranging between 8 and 10pm so I'm really not getting much sleep.
   I have been on the search for a tent/bed for Lilly so I can at least go to bed and relax knowing she is safe and cant get into harms way.
  Anyone got any ideas or suggestions???

Springtime?

   Is it Spring yet?We saw our first robin the other evening while we took a walk.I was really excited!!! Hopefully nice weather is just around the corner now:)
   I have gotten an urge to sew again so I need to get in gear and finish up my last couple orders I have still lingering on my shelf,then I can do something fun.I got a few new patterns at the thrift store that I'm anxious to try out for the girls,and I have had a couple shirt patterns for myself for a little while now,I'm hoping to start making more of our clothes and household items and get away from all the more expensive stuff.
   I so desperately want our lives to be more calm and plain without all the outside influence.I don't want my girls to be so attached to the world,movies,newest fashions,fads,toys etc.I want them to appreciate what they have,to know the importance of handmade things,along with the feeling that comes with knowing that they can make whatever they put their minds to.
   Seems like sewing,knitting,crocheting,cross stitching,quilting,embroidering etc are a dying art,these are all things I would like for my girls to know how to do so that later in life they have the skills to do whatever suits their fancy.
   Another "art" I would love to learn is soap making.I want to learn to make laundry soap and bar soap.I remember helping my mum make soap as a young girl but that was so many years ago neither of us remember exactly how to do it.(if I remember correctly it was a one time experiment lol)
   Also would love to  learn how to make homemade brews,I guess we'll see when I get time to get around to that one lol
   Seems everyday gets busier around here,I always have so many things to do,but never enough time to complete all I want to.I have been so exhausted the last little while that's its hard for me to keep going throughout the day.When the girls go down for quiet time its all I can do to stay awake for the afternoon,but it is my "regain sanity " time lol so I try hard to just enjoy my time alone.
   Well,I'm gonna bring this post to a close and go wake the Little's up from their naps and take them to the park for a bit while the weather is still relatively nice :)

The Special Mother

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect -she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word". She will consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

Erma Bombeck