A New Journey

   I took Lilly to the doctor this morning,to see if we could figure out why she has pretty much screamed nonstop since Monday night.Its been a very hard few days!Her doctor really had no answers at this point but needed to make some phone calls To the Children's Hospital to see if he could locate someone who might be able to help,he said dome of her issues sound like they are behavioral,which we already knew,however there are enough problems that sound like maybe Autism or something of that nature,she is definitely NOT a typical child and never has been from the day she was born.Here is a list of her current troubling behaviors
 1.Screaming non-stop for days
 2.Does not sleep hardly ever
 3.Has severe Sensory Integration Issues
 4.Severe Anxiety Issues
 5.Smears feces from her diaper everywhere including on herself
 6.Tunes people out very well to the point I had her hearing tested
 7.Is becoming aggressive (alot of hitting)
 8.Eating Issues
 9.Falls constantly
 10.Bangs her head on the wall
 11.Developmentally delayed
 12.Speech delayed (but has pretty much caught up with therapy)
 13.Terrible temper tantrums
 14.Low blood sugar
   Ok,so thats the ones I can think of right off,I knew the day she was born that something was wrong,her blood sugar was so low and they had trouble bringing it up at birth.when they discharged her at 22 hours old they could not take her blood because she was too dehydrated.At 2 days old we rushed her into the Emergency Room nearly dead,they called the flight team from Denver Childrens Hospital,the weather was so bad they ended coming all the way by ground in an Ambulance,she was hospitalized in Denver for 2 weeks,released with no clue of what had happened to our baby girl.Dec 2009,at 11 months old she completely quit breathing and "died" on my livingroom floor,I remember telling the 911 dispatcher she was dead,and she said "Dont give up!keep doing CPR,the paramedics are almost there!"She started breathing mere seconds before paramedics arrived.She always had what we thought was severe colic and screamed the first 7 months of her life,she refused to let anyone but me hold her,even 22 hr after birth.It has been a really long journey with her the past 2 years but I hope we are one step closer to finding out what is wrong so maybe we can help her to at least become a happy child.
   I signed up for school,however I dont even know now if Im going to go at this point partially because of Lilly partially because we are still waiting to move.I have to think that I am her Mother and there are days I sit and cry because I can hardly handle the screaming and I wonder how a daycare provider would be able to deal with it from a child they only had around to get paid for.Im scared someone else will get frustrated and hurt her,or worse and I know for a fact I wouldnt be able to live with myself if that happened to her.
   Alot of thoughts are swirling thru my head right now,alot of frustration, alot of fears,alot of what ifs,but for nowall I can do is wait for answers.
   On a happier note,Lilly just turned 2 on Monday,we had a fun little birthday party for her,and she got alot of cute gifts.My family celebrated her birthday a couple weeks ago along with my dads birthday and my nephews first birthday,so the birthday cheer was kind of spread thru the month,and it was FUN! Lilly started getting upset when we sang Happy Birthday to her but other than a couple major meltdowns we made it thru!
   Here are a few pics from her party