Wednesday, February 9, 2011

So Tired of Even Thinking About Moving Blah...

   Still looking for a new place to live.Time is running out after multiple disappointments and let downs Im getting frustrated.We now have just over 3 weeks to find a place and get moved.Im beginning to stress but just keep praying the perfect house is  on the horizon.I haveprobably called at least 75 Landlords this week,calling  28 yesterday alone!Everyone is full or have crazy,ridiculous rules.Not to mention very few places will even consider letting us keep Andy (the puppy we were given last week).
   The girls are so sick of being drug out to look at new houses every day and have been showing it with their awful behavior!So far 3 different landlords went as far as to tell us they didnt want kids in their units after they met the girls(who were previously ok with kids)...Thanks girls,mum really appreciates the extra hassel,but I gues those places werent meant for us lol

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Reality of the Nightmare of Child Abuse

Dear Nichole,
   More than seven long hard years have passed since you were murdered,and the memory my darling little girl is still just as real now as it was the day you died.
   O how I remember how much you loved (shoclate) frostys from Dairy Queen,I remember how terrible I felt when you smashed your little fingers in the car door,I remember your first day of school and just how excited you were,I remember taking you to the park to play with your baby sister,I remember how much I loved doing your brown curly hair and dressing you up so pretty,I remember how sweetly you and your baby sister played in the bath in the mornings before we went about our day.
   I remember that you were always  happy even through the horror you lived thru every day at the very hands of biological your parents,I did everything I could to brighten up your life baby but I was still very young,just 21,I didn't know how to get you out of that situation sooner but I fought daily for you,fighting with social workers and your parents that you all deserved better.
   I remember too well the day I received the call that there had been an accident,that you were not going to make it, and that you were being removed from life support at 2pm,I remember the horror that filled my heart and mind,going into a state of shock,becoming hysterical,not being able to get to you before you went be with Jesus 20 minutes later,this was a joyous time for you,sweet innocent girl,but baby it was hell for me, I wish I could have died to keep you safe or done more to protect you,I was fighting with DFS to bring you home as my daughter from the moment you went into foster care,I called all the social workers,moving up the chain of command,but hit roadblocks everywhere I went,but ironically after you passed away,the social worker called me and said everything had been cleared and asked me to adopt your baby sister.I couldn't even do it,I felt too awful about everything that had happened to you.I dont think I responded to that situation properly either but nothing would have ever felt right without you in the home also.
   Your funeral was torturous I desperately wanted it to be a nightmare,hoping I would wake up any moment,but looking at the burns and bruises covering your little body I knew this nightmare was reality and I also knew I had failed you terribly,I'm so sorry I could not save you from the evils of these pathetic people honestly baby I have fought many personal demons over your death.I remember a blinding pain taking over my whole life & wanting to kill the foster mother who so tragically and cruelly purposely took your life from you.I remember the last time I saw you alive,it was hell for me,how I wanted to take you into my arms and run as fast and far away from those evil,wicked people,the people who ultimately ended your life a short time later.
   They say time heals all pain,but apparently they don't know what they are talking about because time does not heal the pain,however it does make it easier to live with.
   Now I picture you singing and dancing with the angels and sitting with Jesus  living a glorious pain free life full of the excitements of heaven and when I picture this I'm almost glad you were spared having to live with the abuse and horrors  of your past.I realize now that no matter how awful or tragic your death was,your life still was full of meaning and purpose.You are my inspiration Nichole, I look at my beautiful girls and think of you and realize that tomorrow they could be dancing with you,I don't want to regret anything else they way I regret the way you died and not being able to help you more,but i want to thank you for helping to teach me the meaning of life and for teaching me that  life is never so hard I cant thank God for every day He gives me,you will always be in my heart.
   I love you baby girl xoxo

Andy,the starving,sick puppy

   Last night someone decided to give my girls a puppy.A PUPPY people! Come on,like I didn't have enough to do already without a 6 week old puppy?OK,I admit he is totally adorable,and I mean TOTALLY ADORABLE,and hes even registered,what kind of person just gives away a 6 week old PUREBRED,REGISTERED dachshund?
   This lady just bought him in Texas (for $350)on Tuesday,just drove to Wyoming yesterday (sat) and gave him to us in a parking lot,in the freezing cold,and snow all because she was supposedly sick of him whining.Well, I called the breeder on the registration papers and yes she just bought him in Texas,no he wasn't sick then,and he was well fed...blah,blah,blah I don't know (or care) whose lying,all I know is now I have a very tiny,very sick,starving, puppy who looks like a little bag of bones that needs to see the vet tomorrow.
   He is awful  sweet and loves to snuggle and the crap about him whining nonstop isn't true,she also said he wont eat or drink,but he hasn't had that problem here,but maybe that's because now he is living the high life? Eating warm,boiled boneless,skinless chicken breast 3x a day and getting warm broth mixed in Iams puppy chow?lol
   He is truly quite a character for sure and is getting more playful,but I am worried about his icky cough,I imagine he will need some antibiotics to clear it up :( Here's a few quick pictures for tonight,Ill try to take more tomorrow :) By the way,Daisy named him Andy.