We had a playdate with a friend yesterday (I truly thought Lilly was well again or I never ever would have taken her out!)whose little boy is 14 months younger than Lilly and it was kind of upsetting to see that Lilly is pretty much on the exact same age level developmentally other than the fact that Lilly can talk more (if she chooses to) but other than that she layed on tne floor and played with a couple small toys but setting them in a frisbee,or sitting in my lap.
I have been watching her closely the past month or so,well ever since I went to a big Autism conference,and its so hard to describe her except she is-Lilly lol my little girl who has a few very strange quirks and is anti social lol.Some days I try to will myself into believing its all in my head but then something happens and it all just slaps me hard in the face (usually at like 2:30am) when I wake up to feces all over the floor and wall,her face,hairbed,everything.Nights like that in the past I sat down and cry,and I beg God why? Why my little girl?Why me?I think I have finally gotten to a point in my life that I just thank God for giving her to me and for not taking her away the different times she has quit breathing or been so sick.Honestly I struggled in the beginning,dont get me wrong,I always loved her with all my heart but it was extremely hard to bond with a new baby that never slept or quit screaming.There were days,many days I laid her in her crib and shut the door and went and took a hot shower or listened to music for a few moments just to get calmness in my heart.I still have days like that,but they are much fewer and farther in between,I have learned how to cope with the stress,not like before when we were barely surviving.
First of all,I always get up and shower and dress BEFORE I get the girls up.I need that little bit of time to pamper myself before I start my day.
Secondly,the girls lay down for 2 hours EVERY afternoon,I need that time in the middle of the day to relax or get caught up on things,have a hot latte,and some days I take a short nap.I wouldnt let myself nap for the longest time because I told myself I was wasting precious time I could be using to scrub the kitchen floor or fold laundry,I have learned if Im exhausted it is ok to nap so I am refreshed when the girls wake.
Thirdly,bedtime is at 7pm EVERY night unless it is a very very special occasion like Halloween or Performance night (for Daisy).Not only does that give me and Nick time alone to spend together relaxing it also keeps Lilly on a tight schedule and she seems to do much better that way.She will now bring me her blanket at betime and ask to go to bed if I am even running a few minutes late.
Fourthly,I have learned to say NO when people call me and ask me to do something or give someone a ride,if Im feeling overwhelmed I now say "No,Im sorry I cant today" this was a very,very hard one for me because I have always over extended myself for other people and I have realized my girls and my home now must be my top priority.
Alot of days I feel like poor Daisy gets cheated out of time that should be set aside for just her so on occasions I have been getting Daisy up from Nap early or letting her stay up a little later after Lilly goes to bed,Some nights I lay in her bed with her and just spend time talkign with her and enjoying her,I always want her to know how much I love her.She was such a good girl today even I was surprised lol she sat and snuggled with Lilyl while they watched Happy Feet (Lillys favorite movie)even tho it wasnt her choice of movie then she helped me pick uup all the toys and make Lillys bed fro her.I love Daisys sweet caring spirit,she is so much fun to be around.
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