Life is Changing

   So, I been thinking a lot about my blog and just how much I miss it so I have decided to get back into the world of blogging about our daily lives and back to the way things used to be. My blog was always a security to me and although I have been busy I have truly missed you all and hope to get back into daily blogging.
   So, the beginning of the school year Daisy started at the public school just down the street from us and it ended terribly so once again we decided homeschooling is the way to go. We have her enrolled in an online virtual academy and it is going well, she loves it and we have been able to incorporate al of her special love of Panda Bears into her schooling and  it has been a lot of fun. I can hardly believe how fast she is growing, she will be 7 in July! Seems like yesterday  she was just a tiny baby fighting to live.
   Lilly is turning 5 on the 31st of this month, she is attending a specialized school 4 afternoons a week for children with special needs and it is going well! School has become her place to shine, she loves all the arts and craft projects and knows all of her letters and numbers and can read short words, Her teachers are super impressed with all she knows. I'm excited to see what the next years holds in store for her :)

   It has been a harsh winter in terms of illnesses but I'm quite sure that is due to the exposure to the of the public school system and they're starting to build up an immune system to all the nasty things they have been shielded from in the past. As I type Lilly is fast asleep on the floor while Daisy sits beside her watching Shrek, She has been sick off and on for the past few weeks and missed a number of days staying home sick, I hope she can rest well and feel better before Monday.
   I have a lot to do this weekend (as usual) and the cleaning and laundry seem to be never ending.
   I'm so happy to be back, I missed you all greatly and hope you're having a fantastic Saturday!

Just a Little Lilly Update

   I took Lilly off of all dairy a week ago,we first decided to try Coconut milk,along with coconut yogurt and veggie cheese,dairy free pizza,etc,etc,you name it we got it to try to make the change a little easier and less noticeable for her.

   Well,she is allergic to the coconut milk and her face broke out in a horrible,hot,red rash and she got terrible diarrhea,coconut milk=no go.I felt so bad for her,she was so miserable.

   So last night we switched back to rice milk,so far so good.

   Her behaviour seems a little better at this point and she doesn't complain that her tummy hurts anymore,so hopefully we are on the right track.

  Today she is happy and delightful,she laid down for a nap quietly and peacefully for the first time in a long time.I have high hopes things will start getting better in the long run.

   She is nearly potty trained,she never has pee accidents (except at bedtime) and wears panties all the time,she does really well going out and about and staying dry.Poo on the other hand,well,lets say she almost has it figured out lol each morning before bath we sit her on the potty (knowing that's when she has a bm daily) and usually she sits until she goes,then she gets lots of praise and lots of stickers to put on her chart.Then again before nap time (a usual time of feces smearing) I put her on the potty and have her sit until she poos again,so far so good.I think it is helping? lol

   However,she will NOT sleep in her bed but chooses to sleep anywhere and everywhere EXCEPT her bed lol she has a beautiful handcrafted log bed my dad built for her but it is untouched :(Not only does she like to sleep in weird places,we have a HUGE routine she has to go thru every night to make her "bed" on the floor(her doctor assumes its due to the severe OCD),its almost comical but can be very frustrating lol like last night  I did it all the way she always wants it,Princess blanket laid out first princess facing West (lol yeah I know) pink minky pillow at top of princesses,woody,baby,kitty,on the left side,goofy on right side,butterfly blanket over pillow,with Garfield next to her.Wrap her up tightly in Dora blanket then she is set,well except she is getting too long to fit in the Dora blankie so her feet stick out then she screams and I have to recover her and wrap her,then her hand sticks out and we start over again,then its something else yet again.Well,anyhow last night I so proudly laid it all out for her while she was going potty,proud of myself that I remembered every long drawn out obsessive compulsive step,I called Nick to come see her perfectly made floor bed and told him"get a good look you may need it one day if I'm gone" Then Lilly comes in.....

   She says"not want it like this" and with one arm scoops my perfectly combobulated mess into a big heap across the floor and says "I sleep here tonight" and threw it all down in a bigger,less organized mess and burrowed down into it.Sigh,so much for learning her technique lol Nick left the room howling with laughter.I gotta say it was pretty funny  and I will not attempt to learn her methods or it will all make me crazy long before I am old :)

   Oh,how I love this little girl,she is so special,but some days I fear for Daisy that she will become a lost child in the midst of all the day to day struggles with her sister,but I am trying so hard to have just special times with her too.Its hard to balance everything out but we are doing the best we can from day to day :)

Tired of Shit,Literally....

   I'm absolutely desperate to figure out a way Lilly cannot get her diaper and clothes off.She is pretty much potty trained with only the occasional accident with poop.However,she will NOT stop pooping and peeing all over the floor in her bedroom! Almost every morning she has done one,the other,or both and I am getting so sick of cleaning up poop off my carpets and walls :( Last week I shampooed her room and redid it a few times ,and since then she has made such a mess of it all again :(
   It is all behavior,I know she can hold it,whenever I go into her room (first thing in morning or nap) she laughs in my face and says proudly "I pooped on your floor" she says it in a high sing song voice like she is trying to torment me!grrrrrr

Lillian Update

   Lilly had a doctors appointment this morning to address some of the ongoing behaviour issues we have had for quite some time now.I was very disappointed when our doctor said he has no answers for us and no clue in which direction to point us :( I almost felt like crying and right there at that moment I decided once again I need to just suck it up and be a big girl and figure out what we are going to do.Because honestly,what other option do i have? lol
   Lilly is half potty trained,we use a giant sticker chart and tons of stickers and praise and treats if she poos on the potty etc.well,even tho she is almost potty trained she STILL goes all over the floor at almost any chance she gets.I know for a fact she knows what she is about to do because if she has panties on she takes them off before she pees so she doesn't get her Minnie mouse panties wet lol I made adapted pjs a few months ago and they help some in the evenings and bedtime but for now I'm going to get some kind of waterproof mat that will cover her whole floor and the worry about her carpet will be eliminated lol its a strange thing really because she thinks its funny and howls with laughter when someone reacts to her peeing on the floor.I have ceased to react at all so maybe it will lose its fun factor soon lol
   Another issue we have struggled with alot is Lillys sleeping disorders,last night  we decided to take the tvs out of both girls bedrooms and see what happened.We had given them each their own tvs because they didnt sleep at night and we thought it must suck to lay in bed for hours and not be able to sleep.LO AND BEHOLD! Both girls were alseep in 15 minutes of going to bed!I felt like I had hit the jackpot!yay! We will see how it works tonight :)

Autism Freaking Sux

   Honestly its been a horrible day with Lilly today,she has screamed all day nonstop.She refused to eat her dinner or even sit at the table long enough to even think about eating it,she screamed in the bath and screamed during her movie,she screamed while I brushed her teeth,she screamed about her sippy cup,she screamed and screamed some more.It has been a nonstop thing all day,the whole time I was packing she was either screaming or sneaking into stuff such as jellybeans,cookies,fridge,trash,closets,kitchen cupboards,etc.
   I'm getting a migraine and I'm so exhausted I cant even think anymore,but I cannot go to bed because Lilly is refusing to go to sleep,she took a little 30 min nap when I first put her to bed at 7pm then woke screaming for a good 45 minutes,when I went in and picked her up to hold and comfort her she slammed her head into my mouth nearly splitting my lip.So I put her back in bed and left the room as she hatefully screamed at me 'get out of my room"
   I try so hard with her but it seems like no matter how hard I try I CANNOT get thru to her,like somehow I'm doing all the wrong things.There is a sweet baby girl locked in this horrible state of mind and its killing me.
   I'm starting to lose my patience tonight and I cant stop crying,but I have no choice but to keep going.Its days like today that being a single parent friggin sux!But then again listening to her dad bitch and complain about it all would be so much worse than dealing with it all alone,so for now Ill have to thank God for the hidden blessings and keep fighting to unlock the mind of my baby girl.

Early Signs of Autism

Early signs of autism in babies and toddlers

• Doesn’t make eye contact (e.g. look at you when being fed).
• Doesn't smile when smiled at.
• Doesn't respond to his or her name or to the sound of a familiar voice.
• Doesn’t follow objects visually.
• Doesn't point or wave goodbye or use other gestures to communicate.
• Doesn’t follow the gesture when you point things out.

• Doesn’t make noises to get your attention.
• Doesn’t initiate or respond to cuddling.
• Doesn’t imitate your movements and facial expressions.
• Doesn’t reach out to be picked up.
• Doesn’t play with other people or share interest and enjoyment.
• Doesn’t ask for help or make other basic requests

• Signs and symptoms of social difficulties in autism

  Basic social interaction can be difficult for children with autism spectrum disorders. Many kids on the autism spectrum seem to prefer to live in their own world, aloof and detached from others.
  
  • Appears disinterested or unaware of other people or what’s going on around them.
  • Doesn’t know how to connect with others, play, or make friends.
  • Prefers not to be touched, held, or cuddled.
  • Doesn’t play "pretend" games, engage in group games, imitate others, or use toys in creative ways.
  • Has trouble understanding or talking about feelings.
  • Doesn’t seem to hear when others talk to him or her.
  • Doesn't share interests or achievements with others (drawings, toys).

Unofficial Diagnosis of Autism

   The doctor called this morning,he had been on the phone to different  psychologists out of Washington's Children's Hospital.Lilly's unofficial diagnosis is Autism...
   When the doctor said those words,something inside of me was crushed,something inside of me died.Autism here is a diagnosis of doom,most of the kids I worked with thru the school districts special ed class were Autistic,and let me tell you,it was a  very bad experience that is burned deeply into my mind!For months I have been praying "please God,anything but Autism,you know I'm not cut out to parent with the needs related to Autism,please God heal my daughter!"
   I cried,I went and took a hot shower,I cried some more,I made breakfast,I cried,I did laundry,and cried even more.I cried for myself,I cried that isn't fair,I cried for the dreams I had for my baby,I cried that life is changing in a whole new and scary way.
   Then it hit me.....
   I'm not losing my daughter,in fact,she is still the same sweet baby she always has been.She is still my daughter,she is still the light of my life,just now there is a reason for her weird,quirky behaviors.There is a reason she rages uncontrollably and honestly I'm glad she isn't acting out in these ways because she wants to or because she likes to be miserable.
   Now,that there is a reason for the behaviors there is also a treatment plan already in effect,her doctor is really helping me to get on top of it all,and is trying to help get her sleeping habits under control so that both her and I can get up refreshed in the morning.By the time evening comes around Iam totally exhausted,almost ready to snap.Thegirls go to bed between 7 and 730 EVERY evening,giving me an hour or two to regain my sanity and relax before bed.
  It has been a real fight getting Lilly to eat lately so I have gone to drastic measures lol and they seem to be working!If all else fails TRY SPRINKLES!
Blueberry pancakes with pink sugar and pink hearts were a big hit!

   I did a little sewing today which was very relaxing and now Im in the mood to do more!Maybe I will work on the girls new dresses for a bit?